Life's happenings

I hate to sound only negative and keep focusing on all the C-rap that keeps happening around here, but it just feels like that's all that is happening.   I say feels because I know that isn't reality, it just seems that way.  So this post is to document (mostly for me) all of the good things in our lives right now.  I need to see it in print.  I also believe that family blogs should be genuine, and that means putting my real feelings down and not just the "fluffy stuff".  Nothing can make me feel worse than looking at all these cute blogs and feeling inadequate about my own life.  I wish we could all just be more honest with each other.  Oh well, that's a post for another day.

Mara started Kindergarten.  Shut.the.front.door.  When/How did she get soo big?  I was so excited for her (and not gonna lie, for myself as well).  We start walking up to the school and suddenly I feel these sobs starting in my belly.  I was able to contain myself and not shed a single tear...for a moment.  When I saw Mara standing there all by herself she just looked so uncertain and and scared out of her little mind, I lost it.  The tears started pouring.  I'm not even talking a tear or two, I'm talking borderline hysteria.  She just looked so scared.  So cute, but so nervous.  All the other kids were chatting it up with each other and Mara seemed all alone.  I think my sobs were because of the guilt I felt moving her away from all her friends and planting her there all alone.  Despite my sad departure she was full of fun stories when we picked her up for the day.  Each day she gets a little better telling me about her day and the friends she plays with, and each day I feel a little less guilt about moving her away from her friends.

Logan started Preschool.  That day couldn't have come soon enough.  As much as I adore that little man, we both needed a small break from each other.  Twice a week he goes to Ms. Brooke's preschool that is in our neighborhood.  He came home from the first day with the cutest drawing of a truck, and didn't surprise me at all by the detail.  He did however surprise me by attempting to write his name.  He did a perfect L and o then a funky g and some scribbles.  This kid is a genius.  I know we all think those things of our own children, but it's true!  I sadly cannot take any credit for it.  He honestly figures everything out by himself.  He looks at something and then replicates it.  It is adorable.  It's so fun to watch him become a little kid.  His listening skills improve every day (for which I am deeply grateful).

Both kids are in soccer.  Mara is timid and careful when she plays.  Logan doesn't know what planet he's on.  Both ways to play are equally adorable and frustrating!  Isn't that the funny thing about parenting?  I don't care if they are soccer stars, but then we get there and I find myself wanting to be the screaming parent telling Mara what to do (don't worry I don't, but I'd love to).  Watching Logan is another thing entirely.  He is the weird kid that doesn't pay attention at all, randomly sits down, runs and bops his head up and down...you know the type?  It's hilarious and slightly embarrassing.  Don't call the mommy police on me for saying that.  Just keepin' it real.

Sean started a new job.  It kind of sucks.  The positives: working M-F 9-5.  That's where the positives end for me.  I hate the pay and I hate the benefits (or lack there of).   I guess we'll just keep waiting and see what happens.

As for me, my business has taken off running.  I feel so excited every time I see a sell.  I get between 30-40 each month the past couple of months.  Soooo cool!  Right now I'm trying to expand into the digital scrapbooking elements.  It takes a bit of computer time, but I think it's worth it.  Piano lessons have started again too and that helps us out a lot.  The combination of the 2 "jobs" make me feel like I'm actually worth my weight to this family sometimes.  I always feel like Sean works sooo hard especially compared to me.  As the kids get older and my parenting job gets easier I feel guiltier and guiltier about not contributing to our family financially.  These "jobs" lessen that guilt.

I feel like that's about it for us right now. 

BOOM! BOOM!

We decided to take advantage of the nice weather and take the kids out west to go shooting.  Gotta say, it's nice living not too far from where we shoot!  Sean dropped Mara off at school and then went to pick up some ammo and a target.  After he'd been gone for a while I decided to call and see what was up.  No ammo!  He'd gone all over and called a bunch of places.  Seriously, people calm down a bit about gun control.  Wowsa.  Anyways....I suggested we call our friend Will and see if we could buy some off of him.  He said no.  Then said he'd give us some ammo. 

As soon as Mara got home from school we were off!

 First thing we had to do was teach Logan how to pee in the bushes.  It was hilarious.

 Then we'd been there for about 5 minutes and this happened.  The picture above and the two below tell a funny/not cool story.

 Mara got dirt bombed by Logan.

 The kids used their BB Gun (with Sean of course)

 Mara was pretty cute trying to keep one eye open.

 If you know Logan at all, you can totally hear him in this picture.  Tongue out, giggling.

 I kept hearing Sean say, "Logan!  Don't pull the trigger until I tell you too!"

 Naturally they had to hold hands to go down the hill.

 Mara desperately trying to get Logan to look at the camera.  Unsuccessful.  But look at those snotty dirty faces.  Aren't they adorbs?

We had a lot of fun, and look forward to doing it again!

Picture Purge

This past month has been pretty uneventful.  Just full of overtime for Sean, and sickness for me and the kids.  More comfy clothes and snuggle time.

 Of all the places they choose to chill, they almost always pick the tile entryway.  I can't figure it out.  It's hard, and it's FREEZING cold.

 Sean finally got himself the T.V. he's been wanting for a while.  That meant decor changes for me ;)  Here he is putting the finish on the tv stand we got from Ikea, but of course I had to paint it first and replace the boring knobs.  I couldn't have a boring old tv stand!!

 I knew Sean wanted a large T.V.  What I didn't know was exactly how big it was...I almost pooped my pants when the box showed up at our door.

 Look closely at Logan's face...he was in man heaven with his dad while they set it up.

 I mentioned sickness, and on this particular day Logan wasn't doing good so he was laying on the couch watching a movie.  The next thing I know, Mara was dragging out all his blankets and pillows.  She meticulously tucked him in and then climbed up to spoon him.  She is seriously so compassionate.

 Logan is a back seat driver.  No joke.  He yells at me to STOP, GO, SLOW DOWN, GO FASTER!  It drives me bananas.  Sean's brother bought him a PS3 for Christmas and a few games.  Logan has taken his love of backseat driving to new heights by bossing around Sean while he plays the PS3.

 I am pretty lucky because my kids really do love vegetables.  This was Mara devouring her asparagus.  She kept asking for more, more, more!  No one believes me how veggie crazy my kids are so I had to get a pic.  I love that they love healthy foods.

 Daddy makes them laugh whenever he's around.  The noise level in our house goes up exponentially when Sean is home.  It's out of control...

 After mentioning their love of veggies, here is proof that they love the regular stuff too ;)

Best Buds

 

Can you even handle how cute they are?  I sure can't!

 

The picture above and below show their favorite way to watch TV.  On their tummies criss-crossing their legs.  They just play footsies the entire time.

These 2 are best friends.  They are also virtually the same size right now.  It's hilarious.  We decided to get Logan a booster seat since he does have about 3-4 pounds on Mara and she already has one!

 

This picture does their sizes justice.  It's awesome.  They wear the same size shoes, but Mara's legs are longer so she has bigger pants even though her waist is smaller than his.

I love these crazy animals of mine.

This is a conversation I had with Logan the other day:

Me: Logan, you can't just climb up on the counters and up the shelves.  You could fall down and get    really hurt!

Logan: Yeah, but I could fall off the couch too.

No joke, he is a crazy animal.  He also rolled his eyes at me for the first time while saying that.  Something he has picked up from his big sister.  Who undoubtedly picked that up from me.  Oops.  He is officially a Sunbeam now, but it's still up in the air whether or not he likes it.  He gets upset when we drop him off.  He went through random phases of that with nursery too.  I overhead him telling Mara that: "One day I will be big like Daddy, so I will go to class with him."  I think he'd just rather chill with Sean than anyone/anywhere else.  He is somewhat obsessed with Sean.  Which is freaking adorbs.  Everything he does is "what daddy does" or "what daddy eats" or "what daddy says".  His favorite time of day is when it's time to go wake daddy up.  Most days he absolutely refuses to let me go wake up Sean with him.  He says it's his job. 

Mara is really into reading stories to herself and lately her favorite stories to "read" are the scriptures.  It's amazing how much she remembers, and equally crazy are the stories she comes up with out of nowhere.  The other day she read a story like this: "Moses was our first prophet. He was a little boy once. He was nice. The End." 

She is super smart and is definitely ready for Kindergarten.  She got her shots like a champ.  Not one single tear.  She most definitely got that from Sean, not me.  We did learn that she needs her tonsils and adenoids out.  Apparently it's not normal for a 4 year old to snore like an old man, quit breathing at night, gag on her food, and have dragon breath 24/7.  Who knew?  We've known for a while that she probably needed it, but now that we've actually started the process I feel super guilty for waiting so long.  Sorry Rue!  One day when you are a poor college student and a parent, you'll understand.  I hope.  Don't worry, no need to call the authorities on us, if we were ever told at any point that she definitely needed it we would have made it happen.  It's just finally gotten to that point.  

Have I mentioned how responsible she is?  Most days she does her chores like a champ without complaint, and most days she is very willing to help Logan when I ask her to.  

I couldn't ask for 2 more adorable kiddos.  

Oops...

I'm pretty sure I've failed this test.  What test you ask?  Just life.  No biggie, right?

I have spent the last 6 years complaining.  Nothing made me happy enough.  Maybe I could be happy if we had our own place?  Wait, we had no money....so that didn't make me happy either.  Maybe I'd be happy if you we had more money and our own place?  Wait, I miss my husband.  What husband?  Oh, you mean that guy that sleeps here for a couple hours during the day in between working and being a full-time student?  Yeah, that guy....hmmm...I sure miss him.

I can't even tell you how much time I have spent being unhappy.  Aside from legit depression and anxiety I have spent way too much time dwelling on the negative things in our lives.

Next week we will be closing a long chapter of our lives.  Not for good, but for a little while.  As I look at the possibilities of our future I am excited.  Then I realized I am always excited for the future, but hardly ever for the present.  How can I be so excited about something only to get there and be disappointed?  It's this endless cycle in my life.

If only I could get out of High School....If only I could get married.....If only I could have babies.......If only we could be done with school.....

If only....

Why can't I be happy with where I am in the present?

Sure my kids get sick.  They get very cranky.  They fight.  They test my patience.  I catch myself thinking that when they get older life will get easier.  How do I let myself get into that cycle over and over again.  I'm sure when we get to that stage I'll be unhappy about something else and telling myself that things will get easier when they are out of the house etc.

My Grandma (who is a very wise woman-having raised 9 amazing kids) told my mom once "if you can't be happy in the stage you are in, you won't be happy in the next.  Don't spend your time wishing for the future, spend it loving the present."

I've probably heard that like a million times.  For some reason today it rings true.  I have failed this test.  But guess what?  I get to try again.  Isn't that amazing?

Don't let a bad day make you think you have a bad life.
"Hope is putting faith to work, when doubting would be easier."  Thomas S. Monson
Be nice to yourself.  It's hard to be happy when someone is mean to you all the time.
For God hath not given us the spirit of fear, but of power and love and of a sound mind.
2 Timothy 1:7
You will come to know that what appears today as a sacrifice will prove instead to be the greatest investment you will ever make.  Gordon B. Hinckley
The reason we struggle with insecurity is because we compare our behind-the-scenes with everyone's highlight reel.
"In the end, the number of prayers we say may contribute to our happiness, but the number of prayers we answer may be of even greater importance." Dieter F. Uchtdorf
The happiness of your life depends on the quality of your thoughts.
"There is no one perfect way to be a good mother... Each mother has different challenges, different skills and abilities, and certainly different children... What matters is that a mother loves her children deeply and, in keeping with the devotion she has for God and her husband, prioritizes them above all else." Elder M. Russell Ballard
“We women have a lot to learn about simplifying our lives. We have to decide what is important and then move along at a pace that is comfortable for us. We have to develop the maturity to stop trying to prove something. We have to learn to be content with what we are.” Marjorie Hinckley
"When we put God first, all other things fall into proper place." Ezra Taft Benson
Faith doesn't make things easy, it makes them possible.
"Is fat really the worst thing a person can be?  Is fat worse than vindictive, jealous, shallow, vain, boring, or even cruel?"  Not to me. J.K. Rowling
Feed your faith, and your fears will starve to death.

Even though I didn't pass this test with flying colors, I have learned a lot.  The biggest lesson I've learned is this:

"Blessings" by Laura Story To here the song click Here

We pray for blessings, we pray for peace
Comfort for family, protection while we sleep
We pray for healing, for prosperity
We pray for Your mighty hand to ease our suffering
And all the while, You hear each spoken need
Yet love us way too much to give us lesser things

'Cause what if your blessings come through rain drops
What if Your healing comes through tears
What if a thousand sleepless nights are what it takes to know You're near
What if trials of this life are Your mercies in disguise

We pray for wisdom, Your voice to hear
We cry in anger when we cannot feel You near
We doubt your goodness, we doubt your love
As if every promise from Your word is not enough
And all the while, You hear each desperate plea
And long that we'd have faith to believe

'Cause what if your blessings come through rain drops
What if Your healing comes through tears
What if a thousand sleepless nights are what it takes to know You're near
What if trials of this life are Your mercies in disguise

When friends betray us
When darkness seems to win
We know that pain reminds this heart
That this is not,
This is not our home
It's not our home

'Cause what if your blessings come through rain drops
What if Your healing comes through tears
What if a thousand sleepless nights are what it takes to know You're near

What if my greatest disappointments or the aching of this life
Is the revealing of a greater thirst this world can't satisfy
What if trials of this life
The rain, the storms, the hardest nights
Are your mercies in disguise

One thing I know for certain:  Heavenly Father is there and He loves me.  Whatever happens in this life is only meant to make me a better person and to get me closer to Him.

Sappy Stuff

I'm in a very sentimental mood today.  Maybe it was because I was listening to our play list Brittani Lufs Sean.  Maybe it's because I am so super excited about some future prospects coming up in our lives.  Maybe it's because I am just so gosh darn proud of all Sean's hard work.

As I was painting today the song You Had Me From Hello by Kenny Chesney came on.  I forgot it was even on that play list.  It reminded me of just how easy it is to love Sean.  The #1 question I get from people about our relationship is, how/why did you forgive Sean when he got home from his mission?  If you don't already know, he wrote me off about a year into his mission.  Everyone who knew me at the time knew just how mad I was.  We're talking, don't even say the name Sean around me or I'll blow, kind of mad.

When the day came that he was coming home I was a total basket case.  That's all I could think about at school.  During school my mom called to let me know that he had just left our house, and that he'd be back later to talk to me.  I couldn't even believe the audacity he had to just pop on over to my house!  At the same time I was also super excited.  My friends at school we're super cute and helped me get all cute before we left that day.  One friend even had me borrow her necklace because it went so good with my outfit.  I had to go straight to work and there was no way I was going to change into that Sport Clips uniform!!  What if he decided to stop by there?!?  That was a big no no, but it seemed like nobody wanted to be the one to tell me that I needed to change...haha.  As my shift passed I grew more and more nervous.  So nervous that even though I had taken Midol that is full of caffeine, I still got a caffeinated beverage.  Suddenly my nerves turned into nausea and a headache.  Looking back I realize I totally overdosed on caffeine!  I had to go back to the shampoo bowls and sit in the dark with my eyes shut.  After an hour nap (again during which no one wanted to be the one to tell me to get back to work, I can't even imagine how I must have been acting for everyone to let me do whatever I wanted that night) I felt a lot better and it was closing time so I closed everything up and headed home.

Now, I knew that this was the day he was coming home for months.  I conveniently had a date planned for that evening.  Even as I was sick with nerves at school and work, all I could picture was Sean coming over and me saying, "oh, sorry....I have a date.  I have to go."  Ooooo, it was going to feel SOOOOO good to tell him that!!!

Then I saw him.

Crap.  My plan was foiled.  (I was 3 hours late to my date...and that poor guy actually waited...I felt bad because he was a pretty nice guy-but what can ya do?)  Sean and I left that night with the promise of him coming to my school in the morning for a haircut.  We hugged.  Like, a lot. 

It was weird cutting his hair.  After not seeing him for 2 years and spending 1/2 of that time hating him, here I was running my fingers through his hair.  I could barely keep my smile and the butterflies contained.  My friends helped me convince my instructor to let me go with Sean after his haircut.  That was a pretty big deal since it was a Saturday.  I think anyone who saw us, knew we needed to be alone.  Wink, wink!

We went to a park and talked.  He kissed me, and let me tell you something!  It was the best ever!  Talk about moving fast!  This was the guy who took 3 months of seeing each other every single day to finally get the guts to kiss me the first time.  Not to mention the awkward missionary opposite sex thing.  Apparently Sean didn't struggle with that awkwardness!  It was conference weekend October 2006.  The next day we made a date to go look at rings.  Two days together was all it took to decide.  Nine days after returning from his mission I had that sparkly ring on my finger. 

Some people called it, some people were shocked.  No one was more shocked than me though.

So my answer to that question is pretty simple.  He seriously had me from hello.  That is all it took.  I can't explain it, I'm just glad that it happened.

Oh my word, look how young we look!  Sean looks like a baby!

One word, that's all you said
Somethin' in your voice caused me to turn my head.
Your smile, just captured me
And you were in my future as far as I could see
And I don't know how it happened, but it happened still
You asked me if I love you, if I always will

Well you had me from "Hello"
I felt love start to grow
The moment that I looked into your eyes, you won me
It was over from the start
You completely stole my heart
And now you won't let go
I never even had a chance you know
You had me from "Hello"

Inside, I built a wall
So high around my heart, I thought I'd never fall
One touch, you brought it down
The bricks of my defenses scattered on the ground
And I swore to me I wasn't gonna love again
The last time was the last time I let someone in

But you had me from "Hello"
I felt love start to grow
The moment that I looked into your eyes, you won me
It was over from the start
You completely stole my heart
And now you won't let go
I never even had a chance you know
You had me from "Hello"

That's all you said
Somethin' in your voice caused me to turn my head
You had me from "Hello"
You had me from "Hello"
Girl I've loved you from "Hello"