Mara starts 1st Grade!!

Remember how I bawled my eyes out when she started Kindergarten?  Well, I kept my sh*t together this time! I started tearing up as we were driving her to school, but told myself to suck it up!  Even though she will be a bus rider, we decided to take her for the first day.  

When we got there we went to the cafeteria to show her how to work the lunch room for breakfast.  Every child at the school gets free lunch and free breakfast, so we decided we are going to take advantage of that!

I was glad Sean was home and was able to come with us to drop her off.  I think it made it easier for everyone!  I think we're going to have a hard time with Logan starting school though.  After being there for not even 2 minutes he was trying to talk Sean into leaving....he hates big crowds.  So, that'll be fun I'm sure.

Then we headed to the playground to wait for the bell.  They had fun playing together.  Can you believe I was the only parent taking pictures?!?  In Utah I swear everyone has their cameras out like they're the paparazzi or something.  Not at Mara's school.  I was getting funny looks from people.  Weird.

When the bell rang we showed her where to line up and off she went!

It was so crazy!  We have a 1st grader!!!  How/when did that happen?  She suddenly looks much older to me.

While Mara was having a blast at school (she told me so), Logan had a rough day.  About every 20 minutes he asked if it was time to pick Mara up from the bus yet.  When they reunited it was seriously the cutest moment ever.  They ran to each other and wrapped up in a huge hug.  Mara even picked Logan up off the ground.  It was so sweet.

Logan starts preschool next week.  That day cannot come soon enough-for him and for me.  He's bored out of his mind!  Poor dude.

Long time, no blog.

After an almost year long hiatus, A LOT has changed.  We live a long ways away now.  246.9 miles to be exact.  Hmm, that number doesn't sound nearly as far as it feels. We've lived in Idaho for about 8 months now.  I can't believe it's already been that long!  Sean got a promotion which meant leaving Utah.  It was bittersweet.  I've got oodles of family in Idaho, unfortunately not the part we live in (I have seen them a lot more since we've moved here though so that's fun!).

Sean's job has a lot of traveling involved.  So much so that I felt like he dropped us off in the middle of nowhere and left us!  It has gotten better though.  He doesn't travel as much as he was and we've settled in here more.  

I still don't have a single friend.  I don't know anyone beyond a head nod as we pass by in the parking lot.  The closest I get to adult interaction is emails to teachers about various things.  Methinks I'll be signing up for PTA or something.  Hopefully then I can meet someone!  I haven't felt this desperate for friends since Junior High School!  My mom says that if I'd go to church I'd meet people, but....well....that's not gonna happen.  See what I mean?  A LOT has changed.

That's probably too personal to share, but it's the truth.

I want to blog more often again.  So that's the plan!

Stay tuned.

So much has changed....again.

I just looked at my blog and started laughing.  The last blog was about how everything in our lives were changing.  What a joke!  Little did I know how much things were going to be even different shortly after.

I'm blogging today from our newest new home.  Good ol' Idaho.

I started crying all over again as I read about the guilt I felt moving Mara's schools.  I can't believe we did that to her again.  All in all she's been registered at 3 different kindergartens!!  Luckily she's only attended 2 different ones, because we transferred her records before she began the first one.  Of course, in usual Mara fashion she has handled it like a champ. She's cool like that.

Moving to Idaho was hard for me in some ways and easy in others.  The adventure that awaited us sounded amazing.  Just our little family all on our own for the first time.  I've always loved Idaho and visited it regularly growing up so it didn't seem scary at all.  The chance for Sean to grow in his company (at record speed might I add) was exciting.  He works so hard-he totally deserved this promotion.  Not to mention the pay raise sounded beautiful.  Is that shallow of me to admit?  Well, it's true.

I was apprehensive about it as well.  I was nervous about being all on our own for the first time ever (even though that's part of why I was so excited too).  Would I be an okay mom without all the extra help I'd been receiving since the kids were born?  I've always relied on our families for so much support and it wouldn't be there anymore. Plus, Idaho schools apparently stink.  They're ranked 48th in the nation.

So now we're here.  It's been....interesting/hard/fun/exciting etc.

We were told that Sean would need to travel 1-3 days out of every week, but that it would mostly be only 1 day a week.  Well, we've lived here for a month and he's been gone basically Monday-Friday every week.  He has even worked weekends out of town!

My days are pretty darn boring. The kids are dying to make friends.  We've moved in the winter before and we didn't meet anyone until the Spring when people start coming out of their houses again.  Plus, we don't go to church so that greatly limits our "social" interactions with others.  (That story is for another day...maybe).

Anyways, so much has changed in our lives.  I imagine they're going to keep changing.  

Life's happenings

I hate to sound only negative and keep focusing on all the C-rap that keeps happening around here, but it just feels like that's all that is happening.   I say feels because I know that isn't reality, it just seems that way.  So this post is to document (mostly for me) all of the good things in our lives right now.  I need to see it in print.  I also believe that family blogs should be genuine, and that means putting my real feelings down and not just the "fluffy stuff".  Nothing can make me feel worse than looking at all these cute blogs and feeling inadequate about my own life.  I wish we could all just be more honest with each other.  Oh well, that's a post for another day.

Mara started Kindergarten.  Shut.the.front.door.  When/How did she get soo big?  I was so excited for her (and not gonna lie, for myself as well).  We start walking up to the school and suddenly I feel these sobs starting in my belly.  I was able to contain myself and not shed a single tear...for a moment.  When I saw Mara standing there all by herself she just looked so uncertain and and scared out of her little mind, I lost it.  The tears started pouring.  I'm not even talking a tear or two, I'm talking borderline hysteria.  She just looked so scared.  So cute, but so nervous.  All the other kids were chatting it up with each other and Mara seemed all alone.  I think my sobs were because of the guilt I felt moving her away from all her friends and planting her there all alone.  Despite my sad departure she was full of fun stories when we picked her up for the day.  Each day she gets a little better telling me about her day and the friends she plays with, and each day I feel a little less guilt about moving her away from her friends.

Logan started Preschool.  That day couldn't have come soon enough.  As much as I adore that little man, we both needed a small break from each other.  Twice a week he goes to Ms. Brooke's preschool that is in our neighborhood.  He came home from the first day with the cutest drawing of a truck, and didn't surprise me at all by the detail.  He did however surprise me by attempting to write his name.  He did a perfect L and o then a funky g and some scribbles.  This kid is a genius.  I know we all think those things of our own children, but it's true!  I sadly cannot take any credit for it.  He honestly figures everything out by himself.  He looks at something and then replicates it.  It is adorable.  It's so fun to watch him become a little kid.  His listening skills improve every day (for which I am deeply grateful).

Both kids are in soccer.  Mara is timid and careful when she plays.  Logan doesn't know what planet he's on.  Both ways to play are equally adorable and frustrating!  Isn't that the funny thing about parenting?  I don't care if they are soccer stars, but then we get there and I find myself wanting to be the screaming parent telling Mara what to do (don't worry I don't, but I'd love to).  Watching Logan is another thing entirely.  He is the weird kid that doesn't pay attention at all, randomly sits down, runs and bops his head up and down...you know the type?  It's hilarious and slightly embarrassing.  Don't call the mommy police on me for saying that.  Just keepin' it real.

Sean started a new job.  It kind of sucks.  The positives: working M-F 9-5.  That's where the positives end for me.  I hate the pay and I hate the benefits (or lack there of).   I guess we'll just keep waiting and see what happens.

As for me, my business has taken off running.  I feel so excited every time I see a sell.  I get between 30-40 each month the past couple of months.  Soooo cool!  Right now I'm trying to expand into the digital scrapbooking elements.  It takes a bit of computer time, but I think it's worth it.  Piano lessons have started again too and that helps us out a lot.  The combination of the 2 "jobs" make me feel like I'm actually worth my weight to this family sometimes.  I always feel like Sean works sooo hard especially compared to me.  As the kids get older and my parenting job gets easier I feel guiltier and guiltier about not contributing to our family financially.  These "jobs" lessen that guilt.

I feel like that's about it for us right now. 

Lets get personal, shall we?

I found myself walking into a scary Dr.'s office.  I'm not gonna lie, as I walked through those doors I was more than a little scared by the twitching person in the corner.  Then I looked at the reception desk only to realize that there was glass separating us.  Seriously.  There was a slot at the bottom to slide paper work through, but other than that the receptionists were safely removed from me.

I made Sean come with me.  I went and paid the receptionist an extremely large amount of money and then sat down.  Carefully choosing a seat away from the twitching guy.

How did I end up here?

Life is just so frustrating sometimes.  I've been pretty open about my struggles with depression and anxiety.  It's no big secret.  That doesn't make it any less awkward though.  And sometimes it just gets way too hard.

So guess what?  We're moving.  We're going to rent out our condo and move in with my parents for a little while.   Finances are so tight right now, and if you combine that with my problems it's a perfect storm of crazy.  So this move is the answer to both big issues. 

I mostly just feel bad for Sean. He works so darn hard....  I feel bad for my kids because they love our house and love their friends.  I just took Mara's records out of her elementary school and transferred them to the new one she'll be attending.  We only made the decision on Monday and everything is just going so fast!  Mara was pretty upset.  In fact, her solution was: "why don't you move into grammy's house and me and logi will stay at our house?"  After much talk she has warmed to the idea.  She is happy to be close to "her boys" (aka Kayden and Maddux), be close to Omi's swimming pool, the treehouse, Grammy and Grandpa, baby Lilah, etc...

It'll definitely be interesting.  I'll let ya know how it goes. 

Surgery!

We've knwn for quite a while that Mara needed her adenoids out.  Ever since she was little (we're talking newborn) she has had a major snoring problem.  It was pretty humorous actually.  Until this past winter.  We had a few sleep overs at my parent's house where I slept in the same room as the kiddos.  I noticed that not only does she snore so bad she kept me up all night, but she was also having apnea.  She would gurgle and then silence.....and just when I was about to hop out of bed and give her mouth to mouth, she'd gasp and resume snoring.  It was exhausting and anxiety inducing!  I mentioned it to her Pediatrician at her Kindergarten check up.  He referred us to an ENT who got us in very quickly.  

After checking her out he said her tonsils were a 3 on a scale of 0-4 so they needed to be removed.  Since he was certain they needed to come out he didn't stick the tube up Mara's nose to even look at her adenoids.  I thought that was funny/weird since they were the reason for the visit.

So we scheduled the surgery about a month out.  If you asked Mara if she was nervous she would only say no!  She was just super excited to eat popsicles and icecream all day. 

 This was right before we got called back.  She brought her unicorn, named Unicorn.  They even let her take it back to surgery.

 While we waited for what seemed like forever-Mara just stayed snuggled in the bed.  She didn't want to sit up or get out.

 Coming out of the anesthesia was so sad.  She just cried and cried!  She kept sitting half way up and pulling me down on her.  It was comical, but also kinda freaky!  The surgeon told us her tonsils were large, but her adenoids were out of control.  No wonder she had such bad issues!

The first 5 days of recovery were awesome.  The hardest part was keeping her calm.  She wanted to run around and play!  Day 5 hit and everything changed.  That night she woke up hysterical.  The hysteria continued for about 4ish days.  They all just kind of melt together.  It was out of control.  I was warned that week 2 is hardest because the scabs start falling off the tonsils.  That was most definitely the case.

Then one night after the freaking out stopped Sean went into the kids bedroom, he called for me to come quick.  I ran kinda freaking out and he said: "listen.  What do you hear?"  I said: "nothing...why?  Ohh!"  The snoring was finally gone!  Their room was DEAD silent.  It was actually kind of creepy. 

After all is said and done, I'd do it all over again.  But in the thick of recovery, I would have said differently!  Mara seems happier and calmer since the surgery.  I attribute that to finally sleeping restfully!

Easter with the Evans family

We left my parents house and headed to the Evans for another hunt.  It was cute.  At the Evans' you have to find you easter basket first!  That is always a fun tradition I think.

Afterwards we went inside for a nice Easter Feast.  I ate waaaay too much that day!